You’re Married to a White Man! You’re Not Qualified to Lead! — My Reply to “Advocacy for the Self-Inflicted Genocide of a Stolen People?” by ggSpiritWrites [Criticism, Rebuttal, Open Forum]

You’re Married to a White Man! You’re Not Qualified to Lead! — My Reply to “Advocacy for the Self-Inflicted Genocide of a Stolen People?” by ggSpiritWrites [Criticism, Rebuttal, Open Forum]

Here is my comment from this post. I guess I should really thank these people for martyring me. Anyone in their right mind can see through this. Here’s the problem with your arguement about me and my husband (by the way, is so low a blow that I can’t even tell you) his ancestry did [...]

Author : Christelyn Karazin

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Christelyn is married with four children.

Here is my comment from this post. I guess I should really thank these people for martyring me. Anyone in their right mind can see through this.

Here’s the problem with your arguement about me and my husband (by the way, is so low a blow that I can’t even tell you) his ancestry did not arrive in the U.S. until 1900. Should I hold him responsible anyway? Because some black women have killed their kids, because you are black, should I hold you responsible?

And another thought: Unless your date is 150 years old, I think its a little unfair to hold every white man accountable.

But thank you for doing this. In a way, you’re bolstering me, because any person in their right mind can see you’re using this as a smokescreen to deflect the issue.

So I guess I should say thank you.

But first let’s start with this little nugget:

So what would happen if the future mothers and fathers of our bloodline wholeheartedly followed this movement? Given the fact that they should not procreate until they are “emotionally, physically and financially able to care for” children, that would significantly reduce the census of this already identified minority. Suddenly I got the image of the movement handing our youth loaded guns, safety off, with the directive to “Kill yourself!”

So…the ONLY way the Black Race can survive is through illegitamacy?  Wow.  This is so good.  Just…wow.

The first place I started was with the movement’s proprietor, Christelyn D. Karazin (see her bio here http://noweddingnowomb.com/) a black female journalist, self-proclaimed “baby mamma” turned wife and advocate of interracial relationships. Normally I wouldn’t touch the latter but since I see it as pertinent to this discussion I think I’ll go there. After all, any movement will be led in the direction of the captain of its ship.

Pertinent to the discussion?  How is the fact that I’m married interracially have to do with me caring about, organizing, working my arse off, calling, cajoling, rallying, planning, strategizing, sweating, crying to organize an movement to at least get “us” talking about the huge out-of-wedlock epidemic?  In other words, what does that have to do with the cost of tea in China?  Nice try though.

So…let’s review:

  • I spend over 100 hours emailing, calling on the phone, communicating by homing pigeon to get 100+ people on board because, WHETHER THEY AGREE WITH INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE OR NOT, they recognize the problem, and want desperately to find solutions.
  • I worked with N. Maurice Williams of AYCE Media to produce a theme song.  The singer, very talented and beautiful Kyndra, performed the song free.  Leland Sharpe produced the track for a mere $150.  Lorriance Spencer, the songwriter, spent hundreds of dollars out of her own family budget to buy the rights from Brian Alexander Morgan.
  • No Wedding No Womb Theme Song! by LJpress

  • Janks Mortan produced a top quality video on You Tube.  (Note, he has “issues” with interracial marriage too, but he looked past his personal feeling for the GREATER good.)
  • Lyn Twyman, of the Courage Network produced a promo video
  • No Wedding, No Womb Launch Campaign PSA – September 22, 2010 from Courage Network on Vimeo.

  • I got talented poetess, Desiree Johnson to perform a wonderful NWNW poem.  (BTW, she happens to be a single mom of not one, but TWO out-of-wedlock children.
  • I have a book in contract negotiation, true.  But guess what?  It’s not due for another year!  Ask your friends in publishing if this is standard motus operandi for shameless promotion.

And just for good measure, let’s review:

“So, because I’m married interracially, I’m not black anymore?”

Then lastly,

One day I asked her, “Do you entertain guests in a dirty house?” Of course she stated she would not to which I replied that as black people we have too much house cleaning to do before we can entertain guests, a reference to the psychological, emotional and financial healing of the community.

So…the millions of black women married interracially should have  just waitedandwaitedandwaitedandwaitedandwaitedandwaitedandwaited until the black collective got their stuff right?  Why should you care if they might have grown miserable, disallusioned and lonely? After all, YOU got yours, right?

More about the author of the post (who by the way did me the BIGGEST  favor, thankyouverymuch)

ggSpiritWrites
Born in Brooklyn, New York, the first confirmation of a strong writing voice came when my mother said, “I don’t care what you do with your poems, publish them, put them in the newspaper but take them off the fridge. This is my house!” Not that she didn’t appreciate my writing ability but at that time it was my weapon of rebellion. Happy to report she likes my new home. Hope you will too.

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User Comments


  1. LorMarie
    September 25, 2010

    Have the people questioning your leadership done or even attempted to do anything about this problem?

    Reply


    • Rebecca
      September 25, 2010

      “Have the people questioning your leadership done or even attempted to do anything about this problem?”

      *waits for the crickets to stop chirping*

      LOL, but seriously Christelyn, can I just take a sec to say thanks for all you are doing?!

      As a writer myself raised by a single mom (though she was married to my father at one point), it DOES make a difference! Ah! Why don’t these people get that?!

      I’m preaching to the choir here, I know. I just find it frustrating as a young woman fresh out of college (I’m also a fellow LMU alumna!) that a positive message for my generation is being dumped on.

      Ah!!!

      Reply


  2. Alisha
    September 25, 2010

    While I do not agree with the position of “ggSpiritWrites”, I fail to see where she says or implies that you are not qualified to lead. I see that she has embrace the BC think, which is her choice.

    Reply


    • Christelyn Karazin
      September 25, 2010

      This is what the author said on her blog:

      After all, any movement will be led in the direction of the captain of its ship.

      Reply


  3. Eugenia
    September 25, 2010

    I read that blog article and it was so low, I hated to get down there to read it. Why kind of trivial tripe was that, it was so off the mark. And as usual, not a solution in the bunch but to blame whitey. You know, black people have been blaming whitey forever and it’s gotten absolutely nothing. White people are no longer guilt-ridden, so maybe you should get over it too, especially seeing as you’ve never been a slave. I’m always offended by black people who use the shoulders of our anscestors, who survived and thrived and got married even when they denied those rights and started families and raised them, using their suffering as if it’s their own. What a slap in the face that is my ancestors. People in IR marriages/relationships still probably have family members, children, nieces, nephews, that they’d like to not make the mistake of making a bad choice in a partner and ending up being a baby daddy or baby mama. Just because I date or marry IR does not somehow negate my care for the black community and my care of the children who suffer in households everyday because their is no daddy and mom can’t get the support she needs and deserves.

    Reply


    • Elaine
      September 25, 2010

      I’m so over this blame white people attitude people have. It’s time to point the finger at ourselves, point blank. I guess people are to afraid to look in the mirror to see how their own actions are contributing to the demise of our people.

      Reply


      • Robynne
        September 26, 2010

        That’s the favourite crutch of the crew averse to self-improvement.

        Reply


  4. NaturalGal
    September 25, 2010

    Further proof of the necessity of the No Wedding No Womb movement:http://bossip.com/289088/what-the-hell-pitt-football-player-chokes-out-girl30346/

    Reply


  5. LT
    September 25, 2010

    Little Miss needs to shut up and sit down. Plane and simple. All white people should not be made the target for hatred in this country. Black people must stand up and take responsibility. This is about the family and compatibility. If your “knight and shining armor” is black good, if he’s white good, if he’s Hispanic, Asian. I have to stand up for two different races because of who my parents are. We take care of our own and unfortunately the black race doesn’t take care of their own like they should. That’s why statistically we are still losing. Christelyn, thank you for this movement and we’ll keeping fighting the good fight because OUR children are worth it.

    Reply


  6. Betty Chambers
    September 25, 2010

    ggSpiritWrites should have said she just doesn’t care instead of that little brain fart. And yes, I wasted 5 minutes of my life reading her site.

    Reply


  7. Deborrah Cooper
    September 26, 2010

    What kind of dumb beyatch is that?

    Reply


    • K. Michel
      October 6, 2010

      Really, Deborrah? No, seriously. Really? Is this the level we’re operating on, now-a-days?

      Reply


  8. Selena
    September 26, 2010

    Eugenia said:

    You know, black people have been blaming whitey forever and it’s gotten absolutely nothing. White people are no longer guilt-ridden, so maybe you should get over it too, especially seeing as you’ve never been a slave.

    Bravo Eugenia!!

    This is what I will say the next time I’m having a discussion with my sister. Everytime the subject of IRRs comes up, she always finds a way to bring up some racial bs…

    Reply


  9. Cocoa Fly
    September 26, 2010

    But here’s the kicker. She says she and her husband actually practiced family planning. G.G. writes:

    “See, based on everything I learned about majority perception of the black community, one might say that I personally took the NWNW vow. The last thing I wanted to be was a statistic. I didn’t dare have a child before completing my education, being secure in my career and marriage. Initially my husband and I wanted three or four children but we instead have one son, who regularly pleads for a sibling. One day I told him we couldn’t afford one and he got very upset and told me I was teasing him. I explained that the opportunities we provide for him would be limited if we increased our family.”

    The she writes: “In writing this piece I had to ask myself if I had been bamboozled? Had I actually bought into the value system imposed on a stolen people? Was I mind-fucked into self-sterilization thus contributing to the ultimate genocide of our community? Oh hell, despite my best efforts I managed to be violated and my children were stolen from me after all!”

    I’ll just let the excerpts speak for themselves.

    Reply


    • Eugenia
      September 26, 2010

      Sounds to me like she may be suffering from paranoid delusions. You know they got meds for that.
      And I hate to say it like this but I’m gonna say it, “I don’t entertain lunancy.” So no more reading or discussing GG.

      Reply


  10. squarlymade
    October 3, 2010

    Christelyn Karazin, thank you for all the work you have put into NWNW. It will take focus. People don’t really care about change, but in maintaining the statuesque-to prove the pain and hurts of the past.
    the fire of passion for NWNW is burning! It will continue.
    Thank you, you are an effective worker. Much has accumulated.

    Reply


    • Christelyn Karazin
      October 3, 2010

      Thank you SO much for your encouragement. Thank you.

      Reply


      • David
        December 25, 2012

        NWNW is not about White People. It’s not about White Men. It’s not about Black Men. It’s not about what your Mama, Granmama or other black women did and did just fine doing (“My mama n-nem jammed nails thru their thbmus and did JUST FINE let’s all do it!!”).NWNW is about the future of Black Women. It’s about showing Black Women how to have the best possible lives by making the best possible choices for them AND their children. It’s about personal responsibility screw all you want to, screw who you want to but protect yourself and your future. And don’t screw anyone that doesn’t see it the same way.It’s about knowing and acting on your true power as a woman y’know all that power that we summon up to conquer all that WE KNOWINGLY PUT UPON OURSELVES and using it to create fuller, more creative, less stressful, more productive, happier lives. Basically, NWNW is saying “Fuck everyone else and their agendas for my life It’s All About Me! What I want, what I need and if I decide to follow Planned Parenthoods agenda (which btw has kept me unwanted childfree, safe, and healthy for 20 years at little or no cost can you get that with Obamacare?) or marry someone outside of my race to get it so be it. I take great umbrage at the people that are using Christelyn’s IR marriage as a way to erase her concerns regarding the welfare of black girls and women. She is still a black woman a black woman that took action when the norm in the black community is to sit like frogs in a pot of slowly boiling water. NWNW is a movement, a protest( again, those are action words..) against a system which will ultimately be the destruction of black women. Destruction at the hands of her own community .De White Folks are Doing It defense, the Black Woman can be Mama and Daddy defense straw men, burning straw men, put up to derail from the truth .that our fatherless children are in a sinkhole; that black girls fare much better in a two-parent household; that finanically, marriage is a better option. And finally, that the way that Black Folks “have always done it” isn’t gonna cut it anymore. NWNW is about moving Black Women the ones that have the sense to heed it’s message onward and upward.

        Reply


  11. squarlymade
    October 5, 2010

    I went over to the mentioned person’s blog and read some of her points. She does have SOME valid points the ones that she was making and not just insinuating. She said
    “Furthermore, what is the standard? What makes them emotionally, physically and financially able? Who sets this standard? As the leader, if you are trying to obtain a mark that means you are setting the standard, defining the terms. Given the backlash you are receiving from single moms and potential parents, I question whether the ideals you have adopted are out of touch with the needs and issues of your target population. If they never meet your standard, is your message then “You are not worthy of reproduction?”
    I for one would like to contribute to this response.
    The aim is correctly targeted. At AA women/girls who want happy wholesome family life. Don’t they, that is why they are having the children right? That is why they were in the relationships and produced the offspring right?
    The standard? No wedding no womb-nuff said!
    Emotionally able?-Some things people are going to have to research and read up on for themselves. This is an individual understanding and comfort level and people will have to properly apply information to their own situation. Ask,Seek,knock.
    Physically able?-when you have the will to physically contribute to the needs of the child for as long and in as much as they shall need.
    Financially?-when you are able to provide without using support from entities set up to hold you back and limit what you can have and produce.
    Who sets the standards?-our bleeding hearts looking at our children and community saying “hmm, something isn’t right;.
    Ideals out of touch?-This very movement NWNW is set up for these mothers, so they can be free from burden ,stress ,pain, humiliation, and yes single mothers are experiencing these things, which doesn’t make them unworthy mothers, but rather qualifies them for such a special message as this NO WEDDING NO WOMB!
    If they never ‘meet’ the standards is the message you are not worthy of reproduction?-let’s just lay aside that some of these women don’t get to meet their own goals and dreams when faced with single motherhood-No it’s not that they are not worthy of reproduction, but rather the children that would come from them are not worthy of that type of setup. It’s not single mothers who are wrong with all their hard work and effort put into the cause, it’s the STATE of singlemotherhood that is such a drain to the mother and the children.

    I understand what is being said with some of the contributors using offensive terms. It may be that they themselves are still struggling with and coming to terms with-‘what’s wrong with singlemotherhood anyway’. They can only come up with things that have been thrown at them.
    I am a single mother. I highly value and highly respect my family. I am the head of my family and we are as important as any other family, and I would never want anyone to try and disqualify us. But God knows ( I have seen his hand working to protect and provide) I should have and deserve a husband leading protecting, providing, teaching our family. Stop the glorification of singlemotherhood. I’m hoping from this year forward to start seeing a drop in the oow conceptions/births. Because they are disgusting? No- because these women and children are precious, priceless treasures who deserve every set up possible to insure there WELLBEING. No one has a problem with WELLFARE being set up to provide and help and sustain. What about setting up a family structure that will do that and SO MUCH MORE? It appears that some AA women are stuck/hung up on feminism talk which doesn’t fly for AA women. So you have the AA woman who is well educated, married and -insinuating ‘well, if they can’t jump as high as I can, who am I to judge?’ My message to you ( ggSpiritWrites) wake up lady, that message was sent out by white women who didn’t want AA women to achieve/get/have/anything. Shake off that spell and come forward!

    Reply


  12. ggSpirit
    October 6, 2010

    Alisha, Thank you very much for the comment you left above: “While I do not agree with the position of “ggSpiritWrites”, I fail to see where she says or implies that you are not qualified to lead. I see that she has embrace the BC think, which is her choice.” I’m in total agreement.

    Squarlymade, Thank you for reading the blog and for your comment. wow! I can honestly see that you are very passionate about single motherhood (and I’m in no way being facetious). However, I think you are directing your anger in the wrong place. I am in no way “glorifying singlemotherhood”. Again, I stated the basic premise of NWNW appears admirable, so I won’t debate them. I do applaud you for concretely outlining your ideas of what they mean.

    With that said, there are a couple of things you wrote that I would like to address: “This very movement NWNW is set up for these mothers, so they can be free from burden ,stress ,pain, humiliation, and yes single mothers are experiencing these things, which doesn’t make them unworthy mothers, but rather qualifies them for such a special message as this NO WEDDING NO WOMB!”

    I respectfully disagree. From what I’ve seen so far, NWNW has actually contributed to the “burden ,stress ,pain, humiliation” of single mothers with their “special message”. Rather than addressing systemic issues that lead to these pitfalls, NWNW has contributed degradation all while offering no true action to improve these issues. Personally I believe there are systemic problems (aka the disease) that need to be addressed rather than putting a band-aid or administering a face-slap to the symptoms.

    You stated, “I should have and deserve a husband leading protecting, providing, teaching our family” so I ask you, what things do you think would need to change to make this happen for the target population, black women and men? Certainly denigrating black women and men is not the answer. You pointed to me being “well-educated”. Schools are funded by property tax which to me equates to separate and unequal practices. In addition, many of us who do complete college/graduated school are saddled with student loan debt. I’m a social worker, yes by a conscious choice to serve my community, and even though it required a masters degree to be licensed the salary, as in many helping professions, does not meet the debt burden. Those issues should be addressed, as should the racial disparity in employment and earnings. I’m sorry but simply telling people to “put a ring on it” does not solve these issues.

    How do I know? As you also pointed out I am married. That doesn’t mean that I necessarily fare better than anyone else. Yes, I am thankful that I have support in parenting from the father of my child. Again, no argument there. However marriage is not a fairy tale that magically launches you into happily-ever-after. Being married to a black man, we both are affected by the systemic issues that hinder the black community, two people working against the odds to protect, provide and teach the children. Both single parenting and marriage come with a unique set of challenges.

    As for this, “So you have the AA woman who is well educated, married and -insinuating ‘well, if they can’t jump as high as I can, who am I to judge?” I think this is where you have to examine your own personal feelings because speaking for myself I never insinuated any such thing. I think that every individual, barring mental challenges, is capable of jumping as high as they want to. What I would like to see is a leveled playing field. This is what I feel NWNW fails to acknowlege and address. How do we create opportunities that allow ALL black men and women to succeed? If these issues were addressed, don’t you think there might be more physcially, emotionally & financially stable members of the black community ready to engage responsibly in intimacy and parenting?

    Truly, wishing you all the best sis.

    Reply


  13. squarlymade
    October 6, 2010

    I appreciate your response. I’m engaging in this conversation with you so that may-be someone reading will have a change of heart. Clearly, you are already set up. You made sure you were taken care of. LOL.
    I don’t believe ‘put a ring on it’ is the proper term for NWNW. This is not a call to cover up mess, but to carefully prepare and set up the best situation for any child to be conceived into a family. NWNW.
    I want to pull the focus back on the children and the women barring these burdens. While there may be a ‘set of challenges that come with marriage’ the burden of singlemotherhood weighs profoundly on the backs of black children. You’ve seen it in your profession I’m sure. Along with any burden that a singlemother may bear, watching her children go through distress because of it, is an added one.
    You said: “Rather than addressing systemic issues that lead to these pitfalls…offering no true action to improve these issues.” WHAT! System! The ship is sinking! There are things RIGHT NOW that can be done to put a halt to this EPIDEMIC. By the way you and I both know that there have been many attempts for many years to address said system!

    My ‘passion’ for bw and children having a good life is not anger! Some of us care about bw and children beyond our selves and our families; knowing that it is very probable that they can have a life free of useless distress.

    Reply


  14. ggSpirit
    October 19, 2010

    In response to this comment on my blog by Elle, I am posting this response here:

    Elle: “ggSpiritWrites I really hope you’ll consider copying your last comment to the article over here: http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/nwnw/?p=270 I would have missed it had I not decided to Google you and read the whole blog post for myself. I think it’s a very sound response and want to make sure others have the opportunity to read it.”

    This was the comment she referenced:

    squarlymade, Thanks for engaging in this discussion for whatever reason. I apologize for the delayed response but life does get hectic at times.

    I think you make some assumptions that expose a fatal flaw in NWNW thinking. “Clearly, you are already set up. You made sure you were taken care of. LOL”

    I did not make sure I was “set up” at all. My husband and I met in high school and married without the proverbial pot to piss in. I married for love and also took my vows seriously, for richer and for poorer.

    I think NWNW sets up the old Cinderella theory of being rescued. While I can appreciate the want/need of a woman to feel protected and provided for, things don’t always work out that way.

    NWNW says make smart choices in choosing a mate, of course considering financial stability. If today’s economy has demonstrated anything it could be here today, gone tomorrow. So what happens when/if poorer occurs? A resentful, unhappy union? What about the children in that situation? Does woman then divorce Mr. Right turned wrong and seek out the next provider?

    Despite what you may think, I care about the black community way beyond myself and my opposition to these flawed ideologies is because, in the long run, I see them doing more harm than good.

    In any event, I wish you all the best in your path and hope that one day we, the collective community, will meet in a better place.

    Reply