![What’s the Real Motive Behind “No Wedding, No Womb� ~ by Bené Viera of “Writing While Black†[Criticism, Open Forum]](http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/wordpress/wp-content/themes/equator/timthumb.php?src=http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/IMG_3329.jpg&w=200&h=260&zc=1)
What’s the Real Motive Behind “No Wedding, No Womb?â€
Written by Bené Viera on September 26th, 2010
On September 22, the anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation, writer Christelyn Karazin launched her site for the “No Wedding, No Womb†movement. The Internet has been all the buzz around this issue since its inception. In droves people have either pledged their support or voiced their opposition. You all should know me well enough by now to know I’m a part of the latter.
Back in August, Loop 21 ran a blog rant disguised as an article titled Stupid Excuses for Having Kids Out of Wedlock. In the article, Karazin proudly referred to herself as a “baby mama†in attempts to validate her stance. Her post ended declaring, “It’s time for women and men to stand together with a new mantra, “No Wedding, No Womb!â€â€ With a raised eyebrow, I knew this PR slogan mantra would reappear later.
“No Wedding, No Womb†is a movement advocating black men and women be married before reproducing children. On the surface marriage is the ideal family structure, and her goal seems to be honorable. Yet the concept is problematic.
Karazin has written for a number of publications, is the co-author of the upcoming book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed and runs the website Beyond Black & White. She’s a mother, self-proclaimed “baby mama,†and married to a white man. The last sentence of her bio reads, “[Christelyn is] a mother of four children–three of them biracial–and has been married to her husband, Michael, (who just happens to be white) for eight happy, hectic years.â€
Hmmm. Now why would she need to profess to the world that three of her four children are biracial, and her husband is white? Why separate your children based on their racial identity? Furthermore, is it necessary for everyone to know her husband is white? Also keep in mind Karazin has a Paypal donation box on the site. What is this money being used for? It was also made clear in her original blog post that the father of her first child is black and he never married her. So could her movement be a response to an underlying issue she has with black men? Could she be platform building to sell her upcoming book?
I mention this not to attack Karazin’s character. However, it is imperative to understand the source and her motives when she has created a movement of some sorts.
Why “No Wedding, No Womb†is Problematic
Karazin’s initiative is based on the skewed statistic that 70 percent of black children are born out of wedlock. Yet Karazin fails to provide any other context surrounding this statistic. I’m a writer, so I hate math. But the Atlantic’s Senior Editor Ta-Nehisi Coates does an excellent job breaking down the actual math in a 2008 and 2009 article on the subject.
Presumably, Karazin equates out of wedlock with absentee. Very flawed logic. This is why I question most statistics and studies. 70 percent of black children born out of wedlock is not synonymous with both parents not being actively involved in the child’s life. Does the statistic include women who have the child out of wedlock and later marry the father or another man? We don’t know because the statistics don’t provide that information. Out of wedlock means just that. It is not an indication of how the child is being raised or by whom.
My biggest problem with “No Wedding, No Womb†is the vilification of black women. As if the media’s obsession with the unhappy successful single black woman meme wasn’t enough. In the FAQ section of the newly launched site, she specifically states she is not bashing single mothers. Maybe not directly, but indirectly that is exactly what is happening. Inserting womb in the mantra directly shifts the accountability, responsibility and blame to the women. Where is the “She Didn’t Have this Baby by Herself†mantra? It seems like just another attack on black women.
Its no surprise conservatives have jumped on the bandwagon to support the campaign. A black woman heading a movement that blames the black community for its current condition is right up their alley. No need to study history to understand slavery largely contributed to the dismantling of the black family.
Raising children is a serious issue and should not be taken lightly; and a nuclear family is ideal for some. But nuclear families are not always the best for the child either. Married couples are not always the best parents, especially if there is turmoil between the spouses. There’s a popular saying, “I’d rather have one good parent then two dysfunctional ones.â€
Time would be better spent educating and mentoring teenage girls about the ramifications of sex. Helping to build our young girls self-esteem so they don’t feel pressured into sex would be a better proactive approach. Or what about a program that emphasizes sex without a condom can be a matter of life or death? A movement providing resources for women who are already single mothers with the hopes of ending the cycle is even better. That’s something worth people’s time.
In the meantime stop pretending as if black women somehow are the culprits of this out of wedlock calamity. In the words of writer Helena Andrews, “And can I just say that I’m f*cking tired of the vilification of single black mothers. I’m still being raised by one. I’m awesome. The end.â€
Adanma
Karazin did an honorable thing by launching ” No Marriage, No Womb Campaign.” It is also okay and acceptable that she is proud to be married to a white man who is also the father of her 3 biracial babies . She is merely drawing a vivid picture for the Black man , who seems to have no value for his black woman. She is woman and she is emotional and hurt by the actions of her first baby daddy who obviously did not see the need to make an honest woman out of her. It took an white man to not only love her , but to put a ring on it and to still be with her till today.
I am also sick and tired of Black women making excuses for Black men. The Black community has gotten so used to excuses it’s like air. And it is pathetic. By forming the “No Marriage ,No Womb” campaign, Karazin is introducing value to our community. A community where young girls have a high standard .
I disagree with the author of this blog statement that “In the meantime stop pretending as if black women somehow are the culprits of this out of wedlock calamity.”. They are .If women learn to take precautionary measures when being intimate with men, the # of births of wedlock will significantly decline. If these same black women would demand their partners wear a condom, it will help the cause and also cut down on the STD transmission rate.
I also believe that Karazin is educating younger women by simply having this ” No Wedding, No Womb ” campaign. It simply says, BE SELECTIVE who and when you open your legs in the name of love. The kinda of love where you don’t think protection is necessary. Basically to define love more carefully and not mix it with lust. But we have to keep it real, because one gets married because they are pregnant, does not mean it is best thing for the child . It does not mean the two adults involved will stay married forever or that the home will be a peaceful and mature home. At times, it is better to have separate homes. But it is tough, because you are raising a child you wouldn’t want to be in your predicament. You want him to have a better future. You want to instill a sense of rationalism where if in his/ her life he has a child and is not with the mother, he will place the child’s best interest as priority in his life. That means , not demeaning the other parent , etc. But how many people are mature adults , let alone mature parents?
Unfortunately, not every woman is lucky to find the one at the appropriate or I should say recommended year in a woman’s life to procreate. Scientifically speaking, a woman is advised to procreate between the ages of 20 to mid 30′s. Any woman getting pregnant in their 40′s runs the risk of having a retarded child. Now, I have seen women have babies in their 40′s and the child is healthy, however it is a risk. So, the real teaching should be to raise young women with good self esteem ,a college education, and a solid career before even thinking motherhood. Motherhood is no fun, if you find yourself working 3 jobs and barely have enough time in the day to spend with your children.
But the Black community should definitely not hate on Karazin for being with a white man and proclaiming she has bi-racial babies. Maybe it’s her way of releasing anger and tension in the aftermath of the black man who did not treat her well . If only sisters can stop limiting love to color. We don’t need to marry a man because he is black. In fact, I am all for the mixing of races. In a short while, color lines will be erased and hopefully racism will be wiped out.
The black community should stop the blame game. They want to complain and complain and yet! they have access to education, they can form their own business and succeed. They choose not to, they are still waiting for the white man to make reparations. Don’t you find it odd that the Jewish community went through pure hell in Nazi, Germany, yet they are some of the most successful groups of people in the world.
Why can’t Blacks build a better legacy for their community ? why ?
WENEEDNWNW
To NWNW Critic,
Out-of-wedlock children and black baby daddies are a problem no 2 ways about it. This is mainly a black problem and therefore BLACK people need to be addressed with this problem. So if you feel like the “blame” or whatever is on black people then get over it and don’t try to turn the tables on white people. People like you hold back our progression because you trying to blame every single problem in the black community on white people if you can. But I for one will take responsibility for what goes on in my own community and not blame slavery that happened lifetimes ago or anything else. What the hell, are people like you going to be using that excuse in another 100 years? 200? 300? When do YOU think we will reach that point in time where it is no longer any one elses fault and we have absolutely no one to blame but ourselves for our own shortcomings? I say we’ve crossed it already and been acrossed it for a few years now so no more blaming white folks or government or anything else. Yeah, our ancestors were slaves and that was wrong but we aren’t NOW and we rule our own damned selves and you should be helping to spread NWNW. Really though, no one should be offended by this message unless you knew you was doing wrong in the first place by allowing some thug baby daddy to make you into a notch on his belt and put a baby up inside you that you KNEW he would never take care of. And another thing, if I can’t find a black man who will be married to me first because he cares about me and not what is in my pants (and soon) then I WILL be looking a lot closer at nice white men, I know they are out there! I want some one in my life and I want some kids but I AINT going to do it solo, I refuse to and so should you. So don’t be disrespecting this woman because she decided she needed someone who would treat her right and is telling us about it!