WOWOWOWOW. Just proof that the NWNW message works. We may not all agree on EVERYTHING, but some of us realize the fatherless problem in the black community is killing us. Segueing from her stance against gay marriage *sigh* to illegitimacy in the Black family, Ann lays it out for Marc Lamont Hill and the Larry [...]
Unfortunately, over the course of the last week, the conversation grew increasingly vicious. Twitfam were getting blocked and swarmed, misconstrued and misunderstood. The vitriol came from both sides (Note to Self: Is â€œGoogle it if you want toâ€ the new â€œMeet me outsideâ€?) and none of it is fostered productive and healthy debate.
No commentary from me, except that I LOVE Rachmaninoff’s The Rhapsody, I walked down the aisle to it. Â Special thanks to NWNW participant, Jennifer Vaughn for finding this. Â Makes for an interesting discussion, don’t you? Conjures all sorts of criticisms about women’s sexuality, even has a mildly violent scene. I wouldn’t recommend watching this around [...]
â€œ[Christelyn is] a mother of four childrenâ€“three of them biracialâ€“and has been married to her husband, Michael, (who just happens to be white) for eight happy, hectic years.â€ Hmmm. Now why would she need to profess to the world that three of her four children are biracial, and her husband is white?
In some ways to merely say get married is a rather simplistic response to a rather real and serious problem. One of the questions being tossed around in the twitterverse after this online blitz has been what do we do next? In order to answer that question though and truly come up with meaningful solutions I think we must go back and look at what are the issues that have brought us to the point where the vast majority of African American children are born out of wedlock.
Women may give birth to but cannot raise boys to manhood. What often happens in the black community has become the new normal but itâ€™s an aberration. Due to the lack of protection many young girls are at serious risk. Itâ€™s one thing for an adult couple to be together but there are too many instances where the abandoned â€œwomanâ€ is barely 18 and the male who moved on is a good decade or so older. The women tend to be hardest on their own gender hence the phrase, â€œraise you daughters but love your sonsâ€. Itâ€™s the epitome of reinforced sexism where the males are prized just for breathing and the females are told to prepare for â€œlifeâ€. Nothing will break the cycle when thereâ€™s no accountability, no acknowledgment of the huge imbalance and no reparations.
Here is my comment from this post. I guess I should really thank these people for martyring me. Anyone in their right mind can see through this. Here’s the problem with your arguement about me and my husband (by the way, is so low a blow that I can’t even tell you) his ancestry did [...]
[Note by CHRISTELYN] –> “My goal is to keep this debate honest. I don’t not wish to silence critics, but I think those who read someone’s INTERPRETATION of the NWNW movement should have the benefit of seeing both sides. I’m really, really trying to keep this fair. The conversation has gotten too important to suppress. Remember folks: If 72% of your house was burning down, would you ask for a program, argue statistics, or propose a study on how it started? If you possess the survival instinct, you would run like hell, or FIGHT like hell to put that fire out because that house means so much to you. Period.”
While I believe that the onus of this movement once again places the responsibility on women to bring about social change through the exercise of restraint, the idea that Black men need to own their responsiblities and stop making babies that they don’t intend to raise, is something that resonates with me.
I understand the spirit of what NWNW is attempting to do: restore dignity to Black women and create better living conditions for Black children. These are noble goals. However, even with evidence that married persons may have greater inroads to class mobility and a stable lifestyle and that children raised in two parent households tend to fare better than those of us raised by single parentsâ€¦marriage alone canâ€™t restore dignity to Black women or guarantee a better life for Black children. Furthermore, there is an anti-feminist moral code that is implied here that doesnâ€™t sit well with me.
You know as a woman of principle I cannot stand behind and defend or condone foolishness. And the tweets to the person who’s started this movement, Christelyn Karazin, have been more than ridiculous, they should be down right criminal. How anyone could defend birthing a child into this world without two parents in stable and loving household (and I don’t care if they are hetero and homo-sexual) is just shameful.
Some girls say, â€œIf I give it up, boys will want
me.â€ Many girls were â€œlooking for loveâ€ in all the wrong places, saying things likeâ€œ I donâ€™t feel good about myself, â€œI donâ€™t like myself,â€ or â€œI donâ€™t feel pretty and thatâ€™s why I do it.â€
So what are my thoughts? Peopleâ€¦. we have to do better. I like to think beyond color lines, but the problem is undeniable. The streets are raising too many of our young kings, and without a strong family unit the numerous problems that plague black communities (high drop out rates, high incarceration rates, etc.) will persist.
What if your partner who was lying in bed with you looked you straight in your face and said: â€œWhat flames? What smoke? The problem is not that bad. Go back to sleep.â€ â€¦ all the while you clearly smell your hair getting singed by the overwhelming heat of the tongues of flames that were disintegrating your headboardâ€¦ What would you do?
Which brings me to this point: why mess with a male who statistically is predisposed not to marry, provide protection, bring resources to the relationship, offer support, or bother to raise his own children? Jill Scott may wince at “brothas” who are marrying non-black women, but she willingly had a child for one with a I-Am-Irresponsible neon sign over his head.
I still remember how delicious it feels the first time a boy you like, likes you backâ€¦and seems to like you best. You feel seen, you feel understood, you feel all womanly and urgent. And thatâ€™s why itâ€™s so important that every boy and man you date, understands that what YOU NEED to make it in this world, is to not get pregnant young. www.allaboutrace.com
Who told you that you should be alone in this world without stability? Who told you that you are nothing more than a breeder? Who told you that you don’t deserve love and to have it everlasting? Who lied to you and said you are not worth it? Do not believe them. yourboyfriendsbestgirlfriend.blogspot.com
Yeah, I know 75% of Black children are being raised in single parent homes. And lots of the young women having babies now are represented in that sad statistic. So you might think that since everyone else is doing it, it’s okay for you to do, too. One thing I learned from my parents is to never ever do anything just because other people are doing it. Why? Because most people are stupid, and if you follow blindly after them, you’ll end up being stupid too.
Dads are quite focused on protecting their precious little princesses from unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and heartbreak caused by some silly boy. Almost every father with daughters that I know plans to purchase two items: a shotgun and a chastity belt. The shotgun is to intimidate his daughterâ€™s suitors. If the gun doesnâ€™t scare off the boys, then the chastity belt will be the next line of protection. But when it comes to their sons, many men refuse to hold them to the same standard of sexual purity.
Like I said before, I think this is a huge issue. Before I go any further I want to mention a couple of things: I donâ€™t knock any woman who makes the decision to be a single mother if she can afford to and is capable of caring for the child (a lot of women want children but donâ€™t want to wait for marriage because of their ageâ€“ I get that), but I donâ€™t think thatâ€™s the case for most black women.
We all know the sista who settles for the sperm. Sheâ€™s working the register at JC Penny and making moves at JP Morgan. Sheâ€™s our girlfriend in love with the guy who isnâ€™t ready to settle down. But she gives her womb and heart to him anyway. Sheâ€™s the neighbor who takes out her frustrations from her past mistakes on her child. â€œYou no good just like your daddy!â€ www.cocoafly.com
After slavery ended and freed people were subjected to the immoral practice of segregation; the African American society was the envy of all other cultures because they married, stayed together and family was the unity that was their salvation. The parentâ€™s main function was the survival of the children they reared. It was necessary for our culture to value this concept in order to survive the wickedness of the cruelty imposed upon our people by law. If not for this foundation and parental guidance it could have been a death sentence for their children. This commitment, often times, is missing in the parental responsibility within many quarters of our community to which our ancestors would be appalled.
Juliana Norwood, staff writer for OurWeekly IÂ personally feel that the level of baby-mama/daddy-ism is in the African American community is truly a tragedy. I completely agree that there are many different reasons why these situations occur, such as many socioeconomic factors, butÂ I believe it is far beyond the time that we start putting more weight [...]
At twelve I looked old enough to be a mother even without having kissed a boy. Throughout all of my teen years I looked old enough to be a mother because young black women every day are becoming mothers.
Over 70% of black women, girls younger than me, my age, older than me, the girl who use to do my hair was I was younger, my old best friend, elementary classmatesâ€”all of these women are mothers now or will be mothers at some pointâ€”single mothers.
Try to imagine yourself as a child. If you could have planned your own origins, what family would you choose? Itâ€™s almost guaranteed that youâ€™d pick a doting, father with an impeccable reputation. A protector, a man who takes care of his family, a good man. For a mother, you may pick…
Just think about it, don’t you value your unborn children? Don’t you
think your future progeny deserve to have the best life possible? So,
if you have high standards for the lives of your future children, you
should have high standards for the father of these children as well!
This advice is based on my research about strong women and love. My interest began when I was a child and was raised by a woman whose love saved me. Her name is Daisy, and she is an African-American-Cherokee woman who taught me to hold back my kisses until the right boy came along.
â€œI AM their father! I AM their mother! I AM all they need! They donâ€™t need that good for nothing bastard!â€ A strong black woman would shriek in my office at DCF in such a loud manner her voice could be heard bellowing through the halls. A strong black woman in corporate America was far more demure, but would display much the same mannerisms whilst explaining â€œWhat can he do for my children? He canâ€™t even maintain a job. What kind of father could he possibly be to them?â€
Single mothers do not become so without the activity of males. Of course, many single mothers trusted the words of love from the father of their children. These men are too often unemployed or underemployed, not able nor willing to care for, nurture or lead a family. At the news of pregnancy, as if startled, these brothers run. They may not vacate physically, but they often detach themselves from all emotional and financial support of the women they impregnate.
I know youâ€™re asking how do you know if heâ€™ll marry you if you get pregnant. Two things, you watch his behavior and you ask him. Men that already have children outside of marriage are to be avoided at all costs. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. If he didnâ€™t marry that woman why on earth do you think heâ€™ll marry you?
Shellie is an Author and Public Speaker. Her books are “Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption” and “Pure Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Integrity”. Her websites are: http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/women/ “On Fire” Fast Movement ________________________________________________ A couple of nights ago, I was talking to a male friend of mine. (AgainÂ single ladies, get someÂ platonic [...]
All I want is the coochie, I aint lookin to get married. Ladies, if you feel the same as I do, then let’s get it on and quit playin. However, if you desire to find a mate for life, giving it up every Saturday night isn’t going to win you many wife-material points. You gave up your sexuality for free, I suspect you do that for anyone with a car, drink, and a motel room.
It’s not much of a guess because the evidence is all around us. Each day we step foot outside our doors we see it. On the street. In the supermarket. In the park. On the playground. In our very own families. Women. Black women. We are the overwhelming majority of those caring for and raising black children. Alone. I ask you, family. Why?
“In my usual edgy fashion, I took it upon myself to delivery and heavy-handed message for those of you who like it hard. Just keeping it real, ya’ll! Warning: If you don’t like cussing, don’t click it!” –Tim Alexander, creator of the upcoming film “A Mother’s Love” and from the film maker who brought you “Diary of a Tired Black Man”
Why do we put more planning into our next vacation than we do in planning our families? And why are we willing to accept less than what we want when it comes to â€˜the ringâ€™? The answer- because black women are fed the â€œyouâ€™re not worthy of a good guyâ€ crap from a young age. Itâ€™s rare that black girls, in general, are made to feel special. www.tjmichaels.com
“…all of the fantastic memories over the past three years came rushing to my head. From the dirty diapers and late night feedings, to dressing up in nylon crowns and toasting plastic spoons while playing â€œtea party with the King and Princessâ€. Memories that will stay with me through her scholastic years, her endeavor into the world, and when she blesses someone with her love and begins her own family.” www.torreyspears.com
Many of us in the blogosphere (from different political persuasions) are writing in tandem about this issue as a result of the deafening silence from the media, academics, and so called â€œBlack leadersâ€ who refuse to acknowledge the pernicious psycho-social effects on children who are a product of unwed motherhood.
At this time, we are beyond the point of critical mass- more than 70% of all black children are born out of wedlock- this is a fully fledged epidemic that we cannot continue to normalize and make excuses for. This â€œtrendâ€ has now gone beyond the ghetto and has now become normalized in the AA community- a rite of passage in many ways.
Itâ€™s impossible to believe that it is when staring at a glaring statistic such as 70% of children born in the Black community are born out-of-wedlock. The status is glorified in movies, in videos, and by newspapers and other media outlets. We have to admit that having children out of wedlock has become so synonymous with Black women, that it is assumed we all wear the title of Baby Momma even when we donâ€™t. Remember the FOX- First Lady Michelle Obama drama during the campaign?
I realize that “No Wedding No Womb” has caught on and the overwhelming majority feels this is a positive dialogue. But as I read about one child after another killed at the hands of their mother’s boyfriends, husbands or shack up honeys, I see that some women who don’t care to declare NWNW many times endanger their children. Yes failure to see the importance of NWNW can have devastating ramifications for any children that the baby mama already has.
Everyone is making such a big deal about this whole single-parent/out-of-wedlock â€œepidemicâ€ in the black community. Apparently, 72% of all African-American children are born out of wedlock. First of all big deal and second of all get with the timesâ€”who uses phrases like â€œout of wedlockâ€.
This past weekend, my husband and I were chauffeuring my children and niece about to weekend activities and the kids were in the back seats chatting. At some point, my 6-year old niece announced that she was going to be a mommy when she grew up. Just then, my 8-year old spoke up and said, â€œno, youâ€™re going to get married first and then you and your husband are going to have a baby.â€
The most common move to solve social lifestyle epidemics is simply to make it so common that it could almost be called â€œokayâ€. When a problem becomes the norm then the less people are offended by it, and dismiss everything that may come under the situation as not a very big deal. Itâ€™s a slow but very effective mode to get things â€œacceptedâ€ into society. Look at many controversial subjects flaunted in the media. They make so many of them appear to be so commonplace that the average person will become less sensitized too it, and may even begin to favor it. Viewpoints toward it change, lessen in rigidity till it is almost completely approved by society.
Who else is discussing the other reality: the right and responsibility to make some very, very hard decisions about unwanted/untimely pregnancies.
As much as No Wedding No Womb advocates for marriage before parenting, I contend it must also include:
* educating and empowering young men and women to be sexually responsible;
* providing them every opportunity to embrace themselves sexually yet simultaneously provide them the tools to avoid pre-marture parenthood; and finally
* it must embrace and support women who decide not to have babies â€“ after becoming pregnant.
Is NWNW willing to there?
We are some of the strongest people on the planet and we often have to make some serious decisions. One of the toughest decisions can be who we share our bed with, our womb with. However, I know a LOT of women who have made a conscious decision to wait until they are married to conceive.
In the US, children born out of wedlock have become a common occurrence and the truth is there are lots of reasons why couples choose not to marry. Though in the Black community the consequences are creating what I am sure scholarâ€™s years from now will call the lost generation or maybe even the lost generations.
After talking with my favorite teacher the other day she brought it to my attention that being born out of wedlock is not the issue. Being born from two people who are not financially stable, mentally capable or emotionally capable to raise a child is the true travesty. So am I saying that having children out of wedlock is okay? No! Iâ€™m emphatically stating something else to the contrary; children need to be raised in a two parent home with a male and a female who are capable in all facets of life to rear children.