FatJuicyOyster I don’t want to write a post about the online initiative started by my girl Christelyn at Beyond Black and Whitecalled, No Wedding No Womb, which calls for women to get married before having children, and barring that being “wedded” to the two-parent raising of the child. But here goes… I can get down [...]
Black In the Bay State â€“ Fly, Fabulous and Fed up Changing the black perspective one entry at a time straw arguments against NWNW, separating myths fromÂ facts Myth â€“ Your husband will beat you. Your kid is better off. Fact â€“ If you pick a good husband in the first place, you donâ€™t have to [...]
Recently, black journalist and blogger Christelyn Karazin started an online campaign called “No Wedding, No Womb!” (NWNW) calling for “both MEN and WOMEN to put the needs of children first, and advocates that couples abstain from having children until they are emotionally, physically and financially able to care for them.”
This past week has been a rollercoaster for me. Â While launching what could be the biggest and most important social activism I might ever be a part of in my lifetime, I have sat as both particpant and observer in all the fray and ruckus around this movement. Â I have witnessed people come together who [...]
“Getting back to the Basics” by PioneerValleyWoman Today is my birthday. I am a member of “generation X,” that age cohort of Americans born between the late 1960s and the 1970s. It seems that the older members of this group of African Americans alive today were the last ones to experience marital parenting as the [...]
Lyn Twyman Courage Network There is a difference between being a single parent by choice and being a single parent by “accident”. Those who have chosen to be single parents engage a support system of family, friends and access resources in their community to provide an environment that is nurturing to their children. The African-American [...]
If you’re on Twitter and following the #NWNW hashtag, chances are you’ve seen Jason Jjboogie Reichert, guitarist for the hit group, Arrested Development. He reached out to me on Facebook this morning as a result of his disallusionment regarding some of the negative comments about this movement. Â Here is what he said: I put this [...]
1.Â To show me unconditional love. My father was a strict and stern man, but he always let me know that I would always be loved by him no matter what I did.Â I was always secure in this, and never questioned if I would be accepted in my home. 2.Â To be a friend.Â [...]
I am an advocate of the traditional family structure as what I consider the strongest form in which children may be raised. I thought this was a simple position to hold but being a man that is in this constant state of flux regarding the implications of his words, I immediately took issue with the word â€œtraditionalâ€
Now, I could imagine people protesting that the movement doesn’t go far enough — that it should encourage people to get married before they have sex, not just before they have children. But I didn’t imagine people arguing that the movement is simple “slut shaming.”
I work in a housing project in Chicago. I witness a lot of things that grieve me. Since when is it okay to blast â€œYou Gone Think I Invented Sexâ€ with your little children in the car singing along? With the help of the media we are subconsciously planting seeds in our child that has major effects on them.
â€œSo, Ms. Gazawi. Tell me about No Wedding No Womb (NWNW) and why you joined this movement.â€ The therapist asked without lifting his head, as he continued to scribble away on a notepad in his lap.
â€œTell me what has joining this movement revealed to you about yourself?â€ The therapist asked in a slow, demure manner as he lifted his eyes in my direction and held my gaze for a moment, before returning them to the notepad.
It is tough enough in this world alone, even harder as a child raising a child. Protect yourself. These days sex is more about life and death, and less about trying not to get pregnant. You have two choices: donâ€™t have sex or donâ€™t have unprotected sex.
Somehow, wanting our young girls to wait until marriage to improve their own chances of survival, a future, and an eventual family when the time is right can be considered downright heresy.
The black community is on code red right now. We can no longer afford to be in denial about the problems affecting our community, any of them. But luckily for us that Christelyn Karazin felt the obligation to her people to pick a problem out the hat and begin a movement. Whether you are down for NWNW or not to deny that the break down of the black family is not a problem in our community is ludicrous. Our community in this country has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. And in this day and age we can no longer point to slavery or white people as the sole reason for our downfall. No, now there is nobody to blame for the strife in our community but us. We progressed more after slavery under Jim Crow then we have in the last forty years. We have been slowly backsliding into the abyss of self-inflicted genocide.
to make generalizations and through around statics without framing or contextualizing them is irresponsible and detrimental. i understand that something needs to change within us all, as a community, but sliding back into history to shame and ostracize single mothers is not the answer.
WOWOWOWOW. Just proof that the NWNW message works. We may not all agree on EVERYTHING, but some of us realize the fatherless problem in the black community is killing us. Segueing from her stance against gay marriage *sigh* to illegitimacy in the Black family, Ann lays it out for Marc Lamont Hill and the Larry [...]
Unfortunately, over the course of the last week, the conversation grew increasingly vicious. Twitfam were getting blocked and swarmed, misconstrued and misunderstood. The vitriol came from both sides (Note to Self: Is â€œGoogle it if you want toâ€ the new â€œMeet me outsideâ€?) and none of it is fostered productive and healthy debate.
No commentary from me, except that I LOVE Rachmaninoff’s The Rhapsody, I walked down the aisle to it. Â Special thanks to NWNW participant, Jennifer Vaughn for finding this. Â Makes for an interesting discussion, don’t you? Conjures all sorts of criticisms about women’s sexuality, even has a mildly violent scene. I wouldn’t recommend watching this around [...]
â€œ[Christelyn is] a mother of four childrenâ€“three of them biracialâ€“and has been married to her husband, Michael, (who just happens to be white) for eight happy, hectic years.â€ Hmmm. Now why would she need to profess to the world that three of her four children are biracial, and her husband is white?
I deplore dialog, unless of course it involves my genitalia confabulating with some vagina. Excessive Vagina Dialog in the Black community has led to a high percentage of out of wedlock births. The excuses reasons for this situation like its consequences are legion. I have decided to interject my two cents and some sense into this #NWNW movement. There are these things that prevent pregnancy. I forget what they are called. The name of them is on the tip of my tongueâ€¦
In some ways to merely say get married is a rather simplistic response to a rather real and serious problem. One of the questions being tossed around in the twitterverse after this online blitz has been what do we do next? In order to answer that question though and truly come up with meaningful solutions I think we must go back and look at what are the issues that have brought us to the point where the vast majority of African American children are born out of wedlock.
Women may give birth to but cannot raise boys to manhood. What often happens in the black community has become the new normal but itâ€™s an aberration. Due to the lack of protection many young girls are at serious risk. Itâ€™s one thing for an adult couple to be together but there are too many instances where the abandoned â€œwomanâ€ is barely 18 and the male who moved on is a good decade or so older. The women tend to be hardest on their own gender hence the phrase, â€œraise you daughters but love your sonsâ€. Itâ€™s the epitome of reinforced sexism where the males are prized just for breathing and the females are told to prepare for â€œlifeâ€. Nothing will break the cycle when thereâ€™s no accountability, no acknowledgment of the huge imbalance and no reparations.
Here is my comment from this post. I guess I should really thank these people for martyring me. Anyone in their right mind can see through this. Here’s the problem with your arguement about me and my husband (by the way, is so low a blow that I can’t even tell you) his ancestry did [...]
[Note by CHRISTELYN] –> “My goal is to keep this debate honest. I don’t not wish to silence critics, but I think those who read someone’s INTERPRETATION of the NWNW movement should have the benefit of seeing both sides. I’m really, really trying to keep this fair. The conversation has gotten too important to suppress. Remember folks: If 72% of your house was burning down, would you ask for a program, argue statistics, or propose a study on how it started? If you possess the survival instinct, you would run like hell, or FIGHT like hell to put that fire out because that house means so much to you. Period.”
There are reasons besides the pushâ€™s barely masked antifeminism to be ambivalent about this whole endeavor. The movement has the stunty feel of holding funerals for â€œniggerâ€ or stomping on hip-hop CDs (â€˜member those?) with explicit lyrics; itâ€™s taken a tricky issue and reduced it to a bunch of folks being showily indignant.
While I believe that the onus of this movement once again places the responsibility on women to bring about social change through the exercise of restraint, the idea that Black men need to own their responsiblities and stop making babies that they don’t intend to raise, is something that resonates with me.
I understand the spirit of what NWNW is attempting to do: restore dignity to Black women and create better living conditions for Black children. These are noble goals. However, even with evidence that married persons may have greater inroads to class mobility and a stable lifestyle and that children raised in two parent households tend to fare better than those of us raised by single parentsâ€¦marriage alone canâ€™t restore dignity to Black women or guarantee a better life for Black children. Furthermore, there is an anti-feminist moral code that is implied here that doesnâ€™t sit well with me.
Media Strut mediastrut.com For those who donâ€™t know, No Wedding No Womb is a movement started by Christelyn D. Karazin and Lorraine Spencer to encourage responsible relationships and parenting (broadly speaking). Karazin is now married but spent some time as a single mother and has stated that she wishes sheâ€™d made some different choices in [...]
You know as a woman of principle I cannot stand behind and defend or condone foolishness. And the tweets to the person who’s started this movement, Christelyn Karazin, have been more than ridiculous, they should be down right criminal. How anyone could defend birthing a child into this world without two parents in stable and loving household (and I don’t care if they are hetero and homo-sexual) is just shameful.
Some girls say, â€œIf I give it up, boys will want
me.â€ Many girls were â€œlooking for loveâ€ in all the wrong places, saying things likeâ€œ I donâ€™t feel good about myself, â€œI donâ€™t like myself,â€ or â€œI donâ€™t feel pretty and thatâ€™s why I do it.â€
So what are my thoughts? Peopleâ€¦. we have to do better. I like to think beyond color lines, but the problem is undeniable. The streets are raising too many of our young kings, and without a strong family unit the numerous problems that plague black communities (high drop out rates, high incarceration rates, etc.) will persist.
What if your partner who was lying in bed with you looked you straight in your face and said: â€œWhat flames? What smoke? The problem is not that bad. Go back to sleep.â€ â€¦ all the while you clearly smell your hair getting singed by the overwhelming heat of the tongues of flames that were disintegrating your headboardâ€¦ What would you do?
Which brings me to this point: why mess with a male who statistically is predisposed not to marry, provide protection, bring resources to the relationship, offer support, or bother to raise his own children? Jill Scott may wince at “brothas” who are marrying non-black women, but she willingly had a child for one with a I-Am-Irresponsible neon sign over his head.
I still remember how delicious it feels the first time a boy you like, likes you backâ€¦and seems to like you best. You feel seen, you feel understood, you feel all womanly and urgent. And thatâ€™s why itâ€™s so important that every boy and man you date, understands that what YOU NEED to make it in this world, is to not get pregnant young. www.allaboutrace.com
Yes, I overcame numerous hurdles which have developed my resilient and resourceful character, but at what cost? When is the price too high? Some fatherless children can and do go on to do awesome things. (Note: SOME!) The tragic reality which plagues a majority can no longer be ignored. Disproportionate numbers of fatherless children are the walking wounded.
Who told you that you should be alone in this world without stability? Who told you that you are nothing more than a breeder? Who told you that you don’t deserve love and to have it everlasting? Who lied to you and said you are not worth it? Do not believe them. yourboyfriendsbestgirlfriend.blogspot.com
Yeah, I know 75% of Black children are being raised in single parent homes. And lots of the young women having babies now are represented in that sad statistic. So you might think that since everyone else is doing it, it’s okay for you to do, too. One thing I learned from my parents is to never ever do anything just because other people are doing it. Why? Because most people are stupid, and if you follow blindly after them, you’ll end up being stupid too.
Dads are quite focused on protecting their precious little princesses from unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and heartbreak caused by some silly boy. Almost every father with daughters that I know plans to purchase two items: a shotgun and a chastity belt. The shotgun is to intimidate his daughterâ€™s suitors. If the gun doesnâ€™t scare off the boys, then the chastity belt will be the next line of protection. But when it comes to their sons, many men refuse to hold them to the same standard of sexual purity.
Like I said before, I think this is a huge issue. Before I go any further I want to mention a couple of things: I donâ€™t knock any woman who makes the decision to be a single mother if she can afford to and is capable of caring for the child (a lot of women want children but donâ€™t want to wait for marriage because of their ageâ€“ I get that), but I donâ€™t think thatâ€™s the case for most black women.
We all know the sista who settles for the sperm. Sheâ€™s working the register at JC Penny and making moves at JP Morgan. Sheâ€™s our girlfriend in love with the guy who isnâ€™t ready to settle down. But she gives her womb and heart to him anyway. Sheâ€™s the neighbor who takes out her frustrations from her past mistakes on her child. â€œYou no good just like your daddy!â€ www.cocoafly.com
After slavery ended and freed people were subjected to the immoral practice of segregation; the African American society was the envy of all other cultures because they married, stayed together and family was the unity that was their salvation. The parentâ€™s main function was the survival of the children they reared. It was necessary for our culture to value this concept in order to survive the wickedness of the cruelty imposed upon our people by law. If not for this foundation and parental guidance it could have been a death sentence for their children. This commitment, often times, is missing in the parental responsibility within many quarters of our community to which our ancestors would be appalled.
Juliana Norwood, staff writer for OurWeekly IÂ personally feel that the level of baby-mama/daddy-ism is in the African American community is truly a tragedy. I completely agree that there are many different reasons why these situations occur, such as many socioeconomic factors, butÂ I believe it is far beyond the time that we start putting more weight [...]
At twelve I looked old enough to be a mother even without having kissed a boy. Throughout all of my teen years I looked old enough to be a mother because young black women every day are becoming mothers.
Over 70% of black women, girls younger than me, my age, older than me, the girl who use to do my hair was I was younger, my old best friend, elementary classmatesâ€”all of these women are mothers now or will be mothers at some pointâ€”single mothers.
Try to imagine yourself as a child. If you could have planned your own origins, what family would you choose? Itâ€™s almost guaranteed that youâ€™d pick a doting, father with an impeccable reputation. A protector, a man who takes care of his family, a good man. For a mother, you may pick…
Just think about it, don’t you value your unborn children? Don’t you
think your future progeny deserve to have the best life possible? So,
if you have high standards for the lives of your future children, you
should have high standards for the father of these children as well!
This advice is based on my research about strong women and love. My interest began when I was a child and was raised by a woman whose love saved me. Her name is Daisy, and she is an African-American-Cherokee woman who taught me to hold back my kisses until the right boy came along.
Isnâ€™t it interesting that the Black woman is the only woman touting her strength with pride? Why doesnâ€™t the Latino woman have to be strong? Where is the strong Asian woman? What about the strong Caucasian woman? Why does the Black woman have to be strong? Why canâ€™t she just be a woman?
This is very hard for us to talk about. Itâ€™s so hard that we have made a tough heart-wrenching situation into one to be celebrated. We wave a banner, we shout it from the mountain tops, we sing little ditties about it, and we high five each other on Fatherâ€™s Day. Single-motherhood is a hard and heavy crown to wear.
â€œI AM their father! I AM their mother! I AM all they need! They donâ€™t need that good for nothing bastard!â€ A strong black woman would shriek in my office at DCF in such a loud manner her voice could be heard bellowing through the halls. A strong black woman in corporate America was far more demure, but would display much the same mannerisms whilst explaining â€œWhat can he do for my children? He canâ€™t even maintain a job. What kind of father could he possibly be to them?â€
Single mothers do not become so without the activity of males. Of course, many single mothers trusted the words of love from the father of their children. These men are too often unemployed or underemployed, not able nor willing to care for, nurture or lead a family. At the news of pregnancy, as if startled, these brothers run. They may not vacate physically, but they often detach themselves from all emotional and financial support of the women they impregnate.
I know youâ€™re asking how do you know if heâ€™ll marry you if you get pregnant. Two things, you watch his behavior and you ask him. Men that already have children outside of marriage are to be avoided at all costs. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. If he didnâ€™t marry that woman why on earth do you think heâ€™ll marry you?
Shellie is an Author and Public Speaker. Her books are “Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption” and “Pure Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Integrity”. Her websites are: http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/women/ “On Fire” Fast Movement ________________________________________________ A couple of nights ago, I was talking to a male friend of mine. (AgainÂ single ladies, get someÂ platonic [...]
All I want is the coochie, I aint lookin to get married. Ladies, if you feel the same as I do, then let’s get it on and quit playin. However, if you desire to find a mate for life, giving it up every Saturday night isn’t going to win you many wife-material points. You gave up your sexuality for free, I suspect you do that for anyone with a car, drink, and a motel room.
It’s not much of a guess because the evidence is all around us. Each day we step foot outside our doors we see it. On the street. In the supermarket. In the park. On the playground. In our very own families. Women. Black women. We are the overwhelming majority of those caring for and raising black children. Alone. I ask you, family. Why?
“In my usual edgy fashion, I took it upon myself to delivery and heavy-handed message for those of you who like it hard. Just keeping it real, ya’ll! Warning: If you don’t like cussing, don’t click it!” –Tim Alexander, creator of the upcoming film “A Mother’s Love” and from the film maker who brought you “Diary of a Tired Black Man”
Why do we put more planning into our next vacation than we do in planning our families? And why are we willing to accept less than what we want when it comes to â€˜the ringâ€™? The answer- because black women are fed the â€œyouâ€™re not worthy of a good guyâ€ crap from a young age. Itâ€™s rare that black girls, in general, are made to feel special. www.tjmichaels.com
“…all of the fantastic memories over the past three years came rushing to my head. From the dirty diapers and late night feedings, to dressing up in nylon crowns and toasting plastic spoons while playing â€œtea party with the King and Princessâ€. Memories that will stay with me through her scholastic years, her endeavor into the world, and when she blesses someone with her love and begins her own family.” www.torreyspears.com
Many of us in the blogosphere (from different political persuasions) are writing in tandem about this issue as a result of the deafening silence from the media, academics, and so called â€œBlack leadersâ€ who refuse to acknowledge the pernicious psycho-social effects on children who are a product of unwed motherhood.
To the young girls who might be reading this today, whether you have a child or not, the only reason I am participating in No Wedding No Womb is because I want you to win. Period. I want you to win. I want your children to win and their children to win and their children to win.
At this time, we are beyond the point of critical mass- more than 70% of all black children are born out of wedlock- this is a fully fledged epidemic that we cannot continue to normalize and make excuses for. This â€œtrendâ€ has now gone beyond the ghetto and has now become normalized in the AA community- a rite of passage in many ways.