I am posting this excerpt in an effort to clarify the goals of No Wedding No Womb. Â We do not advocate marriage at any cost, rather, we are for the formations of healthy partnerships with couples who have the tools to cooperate effectively with each other reciprocally. Â What happened to Carolyn Edgar is the exact opposite of what I wish for every girl and woman.
When did you know your marriage was over?
(Posted on “Married My Sugar Daddy”
The Huffington Post recently ran a series entitled,Â â€œThe Moment I Knew,â€ where women discussed the moment they knew theirÂ marriages were over and it was time to file for divorce.
The stories were universally depressing, of the â€œI knew it was time to end my marriage when he wouldnâ€™t even come visit me in the hospital after my open heart surgeryâ€ ilk.
As I read â€œThe Moment I Knewâ€ stories, I wanted to ask each contributor: â€œAre you sure you didnâ€™t know before then?â€ and â€œIf you realized it earlier, why didnâ€™t you act on it?â€
I asked those questions because those are the questions I asked myself when I finally decided to file for divorce.
Common wisdom holds that marriage is hard work. This is true. Staying married requires a commitment to being together, a commitment that transcends any and all issues that may arise during the marriage.
Staying together no matter what issue may arise, is very serious business indeed.
But when it is ok to give up? When is it futile to fight and try and work hard to stay together? When is it necessary to cut oneâ€™s losses and move on?
Some, of course, would say never. That itâ€™s never OK to give up on yourÂ marriage; never OK to back out; never OK to say, enough is enough, this thing is dead and rotting and itâ€™s time for us to move on with our separate lives. That level of commitment is fine if both parties share it equally.
But if your commitment isnâ€™t equal, and you feel like your fight is futile, then it may be time to reassess.
In my case, the moment I knew I had to get divorced came, like so many of the Huffington Post contributors, after a dramatic and tragic series of events. In sum, my ex-husband kicked in the front door after Iâ€™d locked him out during a particularly nasty argument. The sound of my daughterâ€™s scream when he kicked open that metal door still reverberates in my ear. I called the police, which further enraged him. I retained a divorce lawyer the next day.
But really, I knew before that moment. I knew on my wedding day that it wasnâ€™t going to work. I knew for certain on my wedding night, after the party was over and the guests were gone and we could go back to being uncivilized to each other.
I was nine months pregnant with my son on my wedding day, one week from delivering our second child. Iâ€™d insisted on getting married because I couldnâ€™t stomach the thought of having another child out of wedlock. But I knew the whole time that he was the wrong man to marry. Iâ€™d known that during the five years we lived together before the marriage.
You can’t miss the last part. Â Click here for the conclusion.