Black bloggers recently startedÂ a campaign dubbed â€œNo Wedding, No Wombâ€œ, with the aim ofÂ promoting marriage in the so-called â€œBlack Communityâ€. I think the effort is well intentioned. But like many causes in todayâ€™s Black culture, this appears to be misguided. I donâ€™t think it will have much of an impact beyond twitter and the blogosphere with its current focus. The effort is only touching the surface of the problem. It is already facing resistance from Black women, especially from those who donâ€™t want to accept the reality, reject the data and want to continue moving through the world, like zombies, maintaining the status quo. But then there are a few others who rightfully question the efficacy of the campaign.
Here are my thoughts – from the perspective of a Black man
I think the effort misses the core issues by a mile. While promoting the idea of marriage is a positive thing in general terms, it is not the main solution for the phenomenon of out-of-wedlock births & other problems facing so-called â€œBlack Americaâ€. I have written before about Black women (and women more generally) falling in love with the idea of the marriage itself, rather than with their partners; and women being motivated for the wrong reasons to marry men who are not a good match. This problem seems to have come back again in this debate. The focus of the Black women who support this effort seems to be fixated on the idea that if they get married, all of their problems and the problems for the community will go away. They seem to be more concerned with flaunting the ring and the fact that they are married. Little attention seems to be placed on the quality of the man giving them the ring.
One of the main problems that young black women have is that many are terrible when it comes to picking good men or even knowing what qualities they should be looking for. To be frank, many (and this may be a byproduct of not having fathers around) have no idea how to choose a manâ€¦. And have no point of reference for even recognizing what a good family man looks like. This is the core of the matter ladies and gentleman. If you are getting a ring from a sleazeballâ€¦ I donâ€™t think being married on paper is going to help you much. If you are marrying a playboy, a deadbeat, a womanizer, a bum, a man who canâ€™t hold down a job, a man with little education, a man with multiple children from several different women, a man in & out of the criminal justice system, a man involved in risky behavior, a man who isnâ€™t responsible, a man who doesnâ€™t really want to commit to you and who doesnâ€™t have a sense of family valuesâ€¦ then all of the rings and weddings in the world are not going to save you or the wider â€œBlack communityâ€. Thatâ€™s like gift wrapping a soiled diaperâ€¦. Itâ€™s still crap. The same goes for the kinds of relationships that many are suggesting should be bonded by marriage. The ring and marriage only serve as wrapping paper for garbage. Itâ€™s like the images of folks carrying looted TVâ€™s in New Orleans during Katrina when there was no electricity and they needed food and water. There are a set of fundamental priorities in Black culture that will have to change. Black women have to take responsibility for their own choices. The Blacksnob, an extraordinary black woman and bloggerÂ pointed this out quite nicely, although indirectly – one of the few Black women online to do so. Many of the blogs run by Black women are sanctuaries for those who somehow clump all Black men togetherâ€¦and trash them all. But luckily there are a few who take the time to differentiate men from boys, educated men from the uneducated/less educated, the wayward player from the committed or family man, the thug from the Thomas DuBois or cleancut, and the deadbeats from the hardworking and responsible (although these men may not be in abundance).
THIS WRITER, A BLACK MAN, OFFERS SOME BRILLIANT SOLUTIONS. Â READ ENTIRE ARTICLE HERE